Blog reflection #2 - another school assignment

I'm back!! This time with a second assignment in my skill development course. This prompt is a little different than the first and I am not really sure how to go about answering. Had I made the decision to take this course back in Summer of 2014, I would have found it to be extremely valuable and time saving, however, I did not. I, instead, chose a different route, the more difficult and time consuming route...such is life for me!

Today's prompt: How do you feel that you have benefited from the online community (peer to peer interaction) in this course?

I feel that I do better in an online setting for many reasons, it is far easier for me to communicate with my classmates, I can read, re-read, and read again what someone has posted to fully understand what they are saying, what their perception of an assignment is or even to gain more knowledge of a specific subject. 
One thing I do not do in an online course is directly communicate with my classmates, I don't feel it is appropriate. I enjoy interacting with someone in a more public forum, this gives others an opportunity to post their feelings, information they found valuable and even another opinion of what the assignment was/is. I feel this is an amazing tool especially in English or History courses and have learned so much from my peers with this alone. 

For this particular course, I feel as if I was finally being provided with the knowledge I have gained with practice and time. Was it beneficial to me, right now in my life? No, I wouldn't say that it was. Like I said above, it would have been valuable and a major time saver if I had decided to enroll much much earlier in my scholastic career, but you know me, I do things the hard way. 

An assignment: First Blog Reflection

It has been quite a while since I have shared my misadventures and random ramblings with all of you. I have been meaning to dust off the keyboard and continue sharing my journey, but school, kids, life...you know the things I do on a daily basis that makes up so much of who I am takes precedence over my storytelling. Sometimes I want to boo on adult-ing and be a kid again. I miss snack time and nap time anyway.

But here I am, faced with an assignment in one of my online classes. I decided to take a Skill Development course at our local college, my hope was that I would gain skills to further my scholastic goals. My counselor thought I might do well since I have excelled in my online courses, even the ones I found difficult, I have always ended up with an A. I have noticed my drive and determination to be the best I can be was wavering, I still put in my best effort in my schooling, but feel that something is missing, something that if I didn't get a handle on it, would become bigger than I could control. So here I am, enrolled in a course that keeps me very busy. 

I have two prompts to write about, I will share these with you and then give you my best most personal answer, something I am sure you had become accustomed to in the past, honesty.

• How realistic do you think it will be for you to adhere to a schedule in order to devote the time necessary to complete the required work in your online courses?
• What measures will you take to ensure that this happens?

I would say that adhering to a schedule, for me, is the same as waking up every morning and popping a k-cup into my Keurig (due the Folgers theme song, "the best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup!"). Scheduling my day is second nature to me, I no longer think about adding tasks to my calendar, I do not have to remind myself to check my calendar, I just do. I do it often. I play with colors, my schooling is coded one color, my kids schooling is another color, even their activities are colored, a bright blue for my little buddy, and a happy pink for my little Lala.  The reminders I have are a bit different, when I need to take an hour or two for school, it is this color, when Blondie is at work, I see this, doctors appointments are bold and bright as well. You might think, "sensory overload" when you look at a calendar with all these colors, but it helps me so much. I have found the best way for me to organize myself is to put each task in a mental box, kids go in one box, school in another, Blondie being home is in yet another. I have a visual reminder every day of which box I pick my tasks out of. Thankfully I have a lot of time between when I play carpool mom in the morning and afternoon. Depending on my school schedule and study schedule, I can have a little me time. Which is usually much needed. 

I don't really need to put anything into play to make sure I continue to schedule myself the way I have been. I have learned from past experience that without a schedule I do not thrive to the best of my ability, things are forgotten, heck even dinner! Scheduling myself has become so second nature, my routine is so ingrained in my head, that shifting away from it would throw my entire life out of balance. 

There is one area in which I need to add to my schedule, chores and self care. I need to add some colors to my daily routine. Time I set aside for cleaning the house, doing laundry, you know those domestic goddess skills we really take for granted. The same skills that take no time at all, unless they have been neglected for a week or three. As far as self care, yes I set time aside for reading, watching tv, etc., I am more talking about gym time, time for my health and wellbeing. 

So now I will leave you and begin my hunt for two new colors to further help me in my strive for greatness, for success, for a 4.0 throughout life!

“You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes".” ― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

I recently got into a small altercation of sorts over my personal happiness and a friend reacting to how she perceived me and in turn, how I reacted to how she reacted....ya, see the shit storm brewing? Damn

You'd think I was a child with my social skills, I do not do well on the fly. I always look back and thing, I should have said this...I should have done this...I shouldn't have let it bother me.

I was hurt by her words, I am still hurt, I don't do well with hurt.
I refused to speak with her about it, when she asked. Not because I didn't want to, but be cause I wasn't ready for what she was going to say.
I didn't understand how she could say I was a sad person, that I looked angry and unhappy.

I had to think on it. I had to write about it. I had to say to myself anything she could possibly say to avoid hurt. Something I'm sure she wouldn't intentionally do, but I'm a sensitive nitwit and things effect me.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I liked this quote...and the one I posted above. I like them because I've lived them.

I lived an unhappy life, I was miserable in my late teens, early twenties. MISERABLE.

I worked my ass off to fix it, I had to fix me. I had to choose to change my thinking and focus on all the good in my life. I had some amazing people come into my life and push me forward when I needed it, because there were moments that I wasn't sure the pain of fighting through the sadness was worth it. It was.
I also had some people come into my life that wanted to take me out at the knees, they tried damn hard. I made it through, bruised but I made it. Gotta keep moving forward, live and learn,
"You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes"

So since I was miserable *in all caps* before, that means I am capable of experiencing HAPPINESS, right?

F-word yes!

I have nothing in my life to be unhappy about, yes I have challenges, we all do. Right? Riiight??

It is safe to say those life challenges distract me from pleasantries or smiling all the time. I frown when I'm focused.  There have been many times that I get so lost in my own head that I look pissed off.

I don't feel unhappy, I am not unhappy, but I appear unhappy, and that upsets people.
I must fix this.

Why do we get the holiday blues?

I'd rather not have them. I have nothing to be "blue" about. But alas, once Thanksgiving rolls around I begin to feel empty inside. The emptiness only grows as Christmas approaches, big gaping black hole of nothing-ness, once the New Years comes and goes, I begin to feel the emptiness close and snap myself out of my funk.
So. Much. Effort. BAH!

Being in the funk sucks, ya know, it needs a capital, this shit is important! The Funk sucks.
I wonder what causes it. Weather perhaps? Missing loved ones that are gone? The feeling of inadequacy we have when we can't figure out what to get our kids or loved ones for Christmas to appropriately express to them how we feel, what their value is to us?

Or maybe it's all those mixed into one, lump in the throat, restless nights of sleep, Funk.

The Funk can kiss my skinny boo-tay! I am done with it, I am taking power away from the funk.
*removes capital letter, eat that funk*  The funk is no longer important and I am giving power to the good, happy, warm-fuzzy, thoughts that should be dancing through my head. *like sugar plums, dance in my head*

I can't say that my decision above has instantly dissolved my feelings, but I recognize them and put them to rest. In fact, I challenge each one of you, reading this that experiences funk...to a funk-off!

We are going to write down all our funk, and then cross that shit out! You know what I mean, scribble so much it dents the page written on, oh heck...get wild, scribble a freaking hole! See how it feels funk, take that! And then flip that shit, write one thing you are thankful for, it doesn't matter how trivial you feel this thing is, if you're thankful. Write it down. Do it. Dooooo it!

Although I can't scribble on my computer screen I can strikethrough like nobodies business.

I'm going to start my funk-off now:

I miss my dad. *picture Yosemite Sam cursing* We had no Christmas traditions, we were awkward as a family, but it worked and I miss that awkwardness. Stop. You know better than to have those feelings, your dad might be physically gone but he will NEVER leave you. Quityerbitchen and see the signs.

Will I ever be enough for my kids? I screwed up plenty when Mini Me was a little, but what I wouldn't give to see her genuinely happy and laughing. *without causing harm to her brother*  She is 13, you are being sensitive. Get over it. She loves you and you two have a great relationship.

I don't have enough time in the day to do all I want. Lies all lies. You want very little and you can do it all. Reorganize the order in which you complete your tasks. Wait to do dishes until AFTER the kids are in bed, there is always time after dinner and baths to snuggle on the couch. Get up early to go to the gym, problem solved.

I don't have enough money for...*random object* Ummm, you do have enough money, your priorities have shifted, you now have a mortgage, 401k and other important responsibilities. You are a responsible adult and let's be honest, do you really need *random object* heck you can't even name it.

I have more, but I'm sure you see my point and to be honest, that strikethrough, although not as exciting as a scribble, worked pretty well.

As a parent, how do you respond when...

As a parent, how do you respond when your child points out that the Santa as school isn't really the REAL Santa.
My sweet Little Buddy got into some MAJOR trouble with his after school program for making a very very bad joke.

A little back story:
Not sure where Little Buddy heard this, most likely an old Disney cartoon where Goofy dresses up as Santa. Well, he came home talking about a story where a little boy pulled the beard off of the "fake" Santa and exposed him for the fraud he was. *See below.

Santa just so happened to be visiting Little Buddy's school yesterday, and what does my dear sweet child say to the kids?

"That's not Santa, his beard is fake, I know someone pulled it off."

SHIT!!

According to the teacher at his after school program, Little Buddy ruined Christmas for children who still believe in Santa.
P.S. this just auto corrected to Satan. *nervous giggle*

He was kept away from the kids for the day.
He was scolded and told that he ruined Christmas.
He was told that Santa doesn't come to the homes of non-believers and that he wouldn't get any gifts.

I would like to take the time to point out that my child STILL EFFING BELIEVES in Santa.

We get to the car and he BURSTS into tears, big Niagara falls tears. All he can say to me is "Mom I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to ruin Christmas, but he was fake"
My response was simple, "Buddy how would you feel if someone came to class and told you Santa wasn't real"
"But he is real, Mom. I know it" was his response.

He then told me it was just supposed to be a joke, that it was a high school volunteer, the boots were fake, he didn't mean to hurt anyone. And the tears continued.

I felt like my child was being made out to be a bad kid, a mean child that wanted others to not believe. When it was a stupid mistake. We all make mistakes, we all react to the mistakes we make differently and he was taking this hard.

I hugged him, I hugged him and told him it was OK. That he could make it better, apologize to the kids and explain that it was a bad joke.

"But they think I'm a bad kid, they think I'm mean. I ruined Christmas!"

So I walked my freezing booty back into the school and asked the provider for a moment of their time. I proceed to explain to her that he does believe in Santa and that he didn't mean it. He isn't a bad kid and would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially in this way. I told her that I understood that he hurt feelings of his friends and that he wanted to apologize and make up for it.

I was told this: "He did Christmas for a few of his friends, one in particular was crying. A special needs child will not get over this. I don't know why he did it, but we won't tolerate it. That Santa is the only Santa some of these kids will see, this is a very poor area and they don't have the ability to see a mall santa"

What I thought was:
Um, excuse me but I am well aware of the economic profile of OUR neighborhood. We live here too! My child has NEVER sat on a "mall Santa's" lap, I don't like the lines, I don't like the crowds, I don't like most people and I sure as hell don't have the money to spend on a pic of my screaming child sitting on a strangers lap (what lesson are we teaching here?!). Heck the last Santa he saw was Goofy for goodness sakes! But in his defense, he was right. The young man in the Santa suit was not the real Santa. Whether he believes or not there is nothing wrong with noticing flaws in a costume. Should he have kept his observations to himself, damn right he should have. But we are human we make mistakes. Ease up will ya, he's 7 years old!

What I said was:
"I am sorry that my sons poor choice in a joke has led his friends to not believe in Santa. I sorry that you feel his mistake has ruined Christmas for a few of his peers. My Little Buddy is a mess over this and feels terrible."

I should have said what I thought...

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I have let my thoughts run rampant through my fingers...I'm feeling a bit antsy because of it too. 

*freeeeeee the fingins*

A lot has gone on in my household lately. None bad, just lots.

Where to start. Where. To. Start.

*I'm nervous about what I'm about to type*

I'll start with Colie. She's the beginning and the main thing on my mind lately.

Blondie and I Walked to Defeat ALS with Colie, her friends and family for her dad. As I looked around I saw a sea of glow stick green, all in support of Larry. Bright pink in support of someone else. Camo in support of yet another person plagued by this shitty disease.
It was a very emotional day for me, as I am sure it was for everyone. Here I was surrounded by happiness and sadness all at the same time. Hope, excitement, grief and loss. And then there was Colie, big beautiful grin on her face, as always. Bright green sparkling tu-tu with matching t-shirt. She looked cute as always.

She hid her eyes behind cute glasses.

Yes it was a beautiful day, the sun was out *she was wearing green so bright it shamed the sun, reflecting in a mirror...on fire* but that wasn't the reason today.

Colie's eyes tell stories...this story is one I am familiar with, a story I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy let alone someone I care about and love.

*Stupid shitty diseases. We aren't ready to lose him yet. Go away and never come back, we still need him!* 

I am so PROUD of you Colie. You are doing everything right, you aren't ignoring what is happening.  You are not being silent. Don't ever be silent.

Look around you, all the support! What a huge amount of support from those you've touched, those you continue to touch.

You are a survivor.

Buggs I am so sorry! I wish I could take it all away, I wish I could live this for you. But I can't. This is a gift to you, a shitty gift but one nonetheless. There is a lesson to learn, in everything we over come there is a bigger lesson. You might not see it now, and that's ok. But you will soon.
*just don't do what I did, ten years to figure out a lesson is a wee bit too long.*
 You. Will. Be. OK.

*eff you ALS, we are stronger than you*

Remember the time I was cutting fruit in the Foresthill house and you told me you were allergic to cantaloupe, but not if you put salt on it?

Ya, you're nuts and I still love you. 









 

Stop and enjoy the bubbles

No really, do it. Bubbles are magical. *unless they are spewing from your dishwasher*

Has anyone ever looked at a bubble and not smiled? I didn't think so.

I was on my way to work yesterday, late because of some court business I had to take care of.
Needless to say I was a bit stressed. Not stressed as in court is a bad thing and I don't think things will go my way, I'm not out any money...maybe just some time.
All in all I am grateful for going to court. But it's still stressful. Yikes.

So I'm in the middle of my mental battle to cool my jets, I stop at a stop sign and a bubble crosses my path. A BUBBLE!!!

"Hey there, I'm a bubble. Don't mind me, I'm just a bubble. A bubble in the crosswalk, cruising along, minding my own business."
 *yes the bubble spoke to me, in a voice similar to the Abominable Snowman from Buggs Bunny

This guy, right there. *I just learned how to add pics hehe

So the bubble crosses in front of me and I can't stop laughing, wouldn't you be cracking up if a bubble was talking to you?!? Well I was, tears were forming, my cheeks hurt and I became thankful.

*it was my bonk on the head moment of the week

I looked to the right and saw families playing in the Square, I didn't see where my bubble came from, but I was happy. I imagined the bubble's maker to be a little girl with curls in her auburn hair, a pink shirt with bows on it, jean shorts and sandals, she was laughing that magical belly laugh only children can create and blowing with all her might.
Enjoying life, nothing mattered but her bubble maker and bubble juice in her little hand.

I was thankful for being late to work this day, people are so quick to give others the advice "Stop and smell the Roses" but who actually does it? I don't. My life is hyper-speed, always.

I stopped for the bubble.

I was thankful for my two beautiful children.
I was thankful for being able to watch them grow and learn about life.
I was thankful for the anxiety I feel when Mini Me goes to a friends house and spends the night.
I was thankful for the good decisions she makes on a daily basis.
I was thankful for my Little Buddy and his helper nature.

All this was thankful business, I am thankful. 


To think, my day started out stressful, hectic morning, forgot my veggie for my lunch, Little Buddy wanted to wear baseball pants to school, late for work, court. *something about the metal detector freaks me out

That damn bubble. Minding it's own business, crossing the street doing what bubbles do.

Maybe everyone needs their own analogy, maybe what works for someone, my bubble, won't work for someone else, a rose smeller.  

My point is, slow down and enjoy each moment. Life isn't as difficult as we make it, but it's one hell of a ride.
Heck, we don't make it out alive so we might as well have fun while we are here. Right!?
We have got to enjoy the times we will never get back.

PS: Dollar store bubbles rock, get some. Share the joy of bubbles.