“You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes".” ― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

I recently got into a small altercation of sorts over my personal happiness and a friend reacting to how she perceived me and in turn, how I reacted to how she reacted....ya, see the shit storm brewing? Damn

You'd think I was a child with my social skills, I do not do well on the fly. I always look back and thing, I should have said this...I should have done this...I shouldn't have let it bother me.

I was hurt by her words, I am still hurt, I don't do well with hurt.
I refused to speak with her about it, when she asked. Not because I didn't want to, but be cause I wasn't ready for what she was going to say.
I didn't understand how she could say I was a sad person, that I looked angry and unhappy.

I had to think on it. I had to write about it. I had to say to myself anything she could possibly say to avoid hurt. Something I'm sure she wouldn't intentionally do, but I'm a sensitive nitwit and things effect me.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I liked this quote...and the one I posted above. I like them because I've lived them.

I lived an unhappy life, I was miserable in my late teens, early twenties. MISERABLE.

I worked my ass off to fix it, I had to fix me. I had to choose to change my thinking and focus on all the good in my life. I had some amazing people come into my life and push me forward when I needed it, because there were moments that I wasn't sure the pain of fighting through the sadness was worth it. It was.
I also had some people come into my life that wanted to take me out at the knees, they tried damn hard. I made it through, bruised but I made it. Gotta keep moving forward, live and learn,
"You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes"

So since I was miserable *in all caps* before, that means I am capable of experiencing HAPPINESS, right?

F-word yes!

I have nothing in my life to be unhappy about, yes I have challenges, we all do. Right? Riiight??

It is safe to say those life challenges distract me from pleasantries or smiling all the time. I frown when I'm focused.  There have been many times that I get so lost in my own head that I look pissed off.

I don't feel unhappy, I am not unhappy, but I appear unhappy, and that upsets people.
I must fix this.

Why do we get the holiday blues?

I'd rather not have them. I have nothing to be "blue" about. But alas, once Thanksgiving rolls around I begin to feel empty inside. The emptiness only grows as Christmas approaches, big gaping black hole of nothing-ness, once the New Years comes and goes, I begin to feel the emptiness close and snap myself out of my funk.
So. Much. Effort. BAH!

Being in the funk sucks, ya know, it needs a capital, this shit is important! The Funk sucks.
I wonder what causes it. Weather perhaps? Missing loved ones that are gone? The feeling of inadequacy we have when we can't figure out what to get our kids or loved ones for Christmas to appropriately express to them how we feel, what their value is to us?

Or maybe it's all those mixed into one, lump in the throat, restless nights of sleep, Funk.

The Funk can kiss my skinny boo-tay! I am done with it, I am taking power away from the funk.
*removes capital letter, eat that funk*  The funk is no longer important and I am giving power to the good, happy, warm-fuzzy, thoughts that should be dancing through my head. *like sugar plums, dance in my head*

I can't say that my decision above has instantly dissolved my feelings, but I recognize them and put them to rest. In fact, I challenge each one of you, reading this that experiences funk...to a funk-off!

We are going to write down all our funk, and then cross that shit out! You know what I mean, scribble so much it dents the page written on, oh heck...get wild, scribble a freaking hole! See how it feels funk, take that! And then flip that shit, write one thing you are thankful for, it doesn't matter how trivial you feel this thing is, if you're thankful. Write it down. Do it. Dooooo it!

Although I can't scribble on my computer screen I can strikethrough like nobodies business.

I'm going to start my funk-off now:

I miss my dad. *picture Yosemite Sam cursing* We had no Christmas traditions, we were awkward as a family, but it worked and I miss that awkwardness. Stop. You know better than to have those feelings, your dad might be physically gone but he will NEVER leave you. Quityerbitchen and see the signs.

Will I ever be enough for my kids? I screwed up plenty when Mini Me was a little, but what I wouldn't give to see her genuinely happy and laughing. *without causing harm to her brother*  She is 13, you are being sensitive. Get over it. She loves you and you two have a great relationship.

I don't have enough time in the day to do all I want. Lies all lies. You want very little and you can do it all. Reorganize the order in which you complete your tasks. Wait to do dishes until AFTER the kids are in bed, there is always time after dinner and baths to snuggle on the couch. Get up early to go to the gym, problem solved.

I don't have enough money for...*random object* Ummm, you do have enough money, your priorities have shifted, you now have a mortgage, 401k and other important responsibilities. You are a responsible adult and let's be honest, do you really need *random object* heck you can't even name it.

I have more, but I'm sure you see my point and to be honest, that strikethrough, although not as exciting as a scribble, worked pretty well.

As a parent, how do you respond when...

As a parent, how do you respond when your child points out that the Santa as school isn't really the REAL Santa.
My sweet Little Buddy got into some MAJOR trouble with his after school program for making a very very bad joke.

A little back story:
Not sure where Little Buddy heard this, most likely an old Disney cartoon where Goofy dresses up as Santa. Well, he came home talking about a story where a little boy pulled the beard off of the "fake" Santa and exposed him for the fraud he was. *See below.

Santa just so happened to be visiting Little Buddy's school yesterday, and what does my dear sweet child say to the kids?

"That's not Santa, his beard is fake, I know someone pulled it off."

SHIT!!

According to the teacher at his after school program, Little Buddy ruined Christmas for children who still believe in Santa.
P.S. this just auto corrected to Satan. *nervous giggle*

He was kept away from the kids for the day.
He was scolded and told that he ruined Christmas.
He was told that Santa doesn't come to the homes of non-believers and that he wouldn't get any gifts.

I would like to take the time to point out that my child STILL EFFING BELIEVES in Santa.

We get to the car and he BURSTS into tears, big Niagara falls tears. All he can say to me is "Mom I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to ruin Christmas, but he was fake"
My response was simple, "Buddy how would you feel if someone came to class and told you Santa wasn't real"
"But he is real, Mom. I know it" was his response.

He then told me it was just supposed to be a joke, that it was a high school volunteer, the boots were fake, he didn't mean to hurt anyone. And the tears continued.

I felt like my child was being made out to be a bad kid, a mean child that wanted others to not believe. When it was a stupid mistake. We all make mistakes, we all react to the mistakes we make differently and he was taking this hard.

I hugged him, I hugged him and told him it was OK. That he could make it better, apologize to the kids and explain that it was a bad joke.

"But they think I'm a bad kid, they think I'm mean. I ruined Christmas!"

So I walked my freezing booty back into the school and asked the provider for a moment of their time. I proceed to explain to her that he does believe in Santa and that he didn't mean it. He isn't a bad kid and would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially in this way. I told her that I understood that he hurt feelings of his friends and that he wanted to apologize and make up for it.

I was told this: "He did Christmas for a few of his friends, one in particular was crying. A special needs child will not get over this. I don't know why he did it, but we won't tolerate it. That Santa is the only Santa some of these kids will see, this is a very poor area and they don't have the ability to see a mall santa"

What I thought was:
Um, excuse me but I am well aware of the economic profile of OUR neighborhood. We live here too! My child has NEVER sat on a "mall Santa's" lap, I don't like the lines, I don't like the crowds, I don't like most people and I sure as hell don't have the money to spend on a pic of my screaming child sitting on a strangers lap (what lesson are we teaching here?!). Heck the last Santa he saw was Goofy for goodness sakes! But in his defense, he was right. The young man in the Santa suit was not the real Santa. Whether he believes or not there is nothing wrong with noticing flaws in a costume. Should he have kept his observations to himself, damn right he should have. But we are human we make mistakes. Ease up will ya, he's 7 years old!

What I said was:
"I am sorry that my sons poor choice in a joke has led his friends to not believe in Santa. I sorry that you feel his mistake has ruined Christmas for a few of his peers. My Little Buddy is a mess over this and feels terrible."

I should have said what I thought...